a To dare, to dream, to win: January 2006




Tuesday, January 31, 2006

hmmm...

throat not feeling good. argh regretted eating some heaty food just now.. hopefully will be ok ... aiyo better dun slp too late tonite..

from now till 16th, it's gonna be quite jialat.. dun really dare to think abt it. i must say i sorta lack on the fighting spirit, but i have to get it back...not easy but just have to do it. definitely feel demoralised when u wan to do sth but duno how to do...have to live with it ba...
onward march!!

SBS ah..!!

SBS = si bei sian !! haha.. copyrite!!

2125 ah .. i hate physics ah.... the 3 stupid bros, 2122, 2125 n mto next time .. gosh..

will try later.. slp 1st... still got 2116 due tmr :S ... but slacking is not an option.. working hard.. for myself n for u ...

Monday, January 30, 2006

lalala..

hahaha.. aiyo.. suddenly my blog become ur favourite entertainment hor.. even put in ur nick to ask me to blog..later ur frends ask abt it!

haha anyway the topic u give me to blog abt is so...well, uninteresting! nvm shall just briefly write where i go just now.. lala. actually also nv go where. go qz's house at simei for soka ymd gathering. hmm why only ymd.. where are the ywds? well, cos its a gathering to bond the guys tgt.. the turn out rate is not bad, close to 20 ppl..

we ordered pizzas and had some fun, playing dai dee at the start, then later played "hunter and bear". haha i got super luck in dai dee whenever i give out the cards, cos everytime i will win. somemore once, my cards was like 2 of hearts n spade + 5 spades + 4 of a kind.. gosh!! though nv played money but see also shiok ... anyway had much fun.. haha .. supposed to have a ywd gathering at 2 ppl's house tmr and the ymds are invited, but duno who is going..

anyway mh sent us home to the north, though he was staying at eunos.. lol..but aiyo was feeling bit nauseous cos think the van is used to deliver those 干粮 and i can't take the smell. but at least i make it!

aiyo nth much in this post.. nth to write also! write abt u is more fun!! haha

A serious post..

haha yup.. someone refuses to tell me sth unless i blog.. and cannot anyhow blog.. so u asked me to blog abt u..lol too bad u say that and it's wat i going to write abt!!
U know how i "meet" u haha.. u think it's normal, but i dun think it is!! haha.. duno leh, think we just kicked off well from the start. hmm, think it's really fate.. cos after a while i think i always see u appeared as "away" and i didn't dare talk to u. then one day, u suddenly come ask me for song, after that, i think things just developed. i think u are a really nice ger, though sometimes too "霸道" haha .. yup in inverted commas cos u definitely dun mean it, other than those 不给脸 thrashing u always inflicted on me.. haha.. aiyo ..not serious enuff!
alright.. "nice" is too mild a word.. u are more than that! 善解人意, 聪明伶俐, mature. sorry for being 婆妈, really thanks for the 2nd chance. but it's really hard to find another person like who can accept without..... well u know lar, no need for me to say .. haha
没想到,这么好条件的女孩,竟没人追。think the guys all blind... but nvm.. haha i'm not! lol. thanks for always brightening up my day always! always lifting up my mood.. those forwarded smses, are almost all still in my hp archive.. "An sms a day make YL happy" ..yup
aiyo brain dead, some things forget to add.. but to summarise..you are the best!
再次拥有.我会更加珍惜你的..虽然现在不敢承诺什么,也许不能做到十全十美,但我一定会尽心尽力。。

Sunday, January 29, 2006

A favour on CNY

everyone is so concerned abt me these days...since its cny, i shall do everyone the favour.. ya and answer the all impt question on their mind

"WHO IS SHE?"





SHE ah.. Selina Hebe Ella lor!
lol .. joking lar.. wan to know who is she rite? ask me i send u pic lor.. cfm not lying! but dun blame me after u see the pic hor

Happy Chinese New Year to all..

祝大家新年快乐,身体健康!

mind's blank.. shall write more things tmr ba..

that's 3 lines! =p so u better write more! muhaha

Saturday, January 28, 2006

婆妈?

shd i pop? wanted to.. but he advised me against it.. hmmm

hmmm...

anyway the movie is <<小孩不笨2>> .. must watch! and forget to thank u for making the trip to get the tickets.. thanks lots.

aiyo must keep reminding myself not to hunch.. must make the effort.

Friday, January 27, 2006

hehe...

woke up today feeling real tired. slp only 4 hrs yday. and i woke up like 2 times in 4 hrs, think i really think too much abt the sharing. anyway really dun feel like coming for lecture at all. while waiting for my bro to get out of the toilet, i lied on the sofa, just feeling like nuahing there and even contemplating going back to slp. but need to settle some things so in e end still picked myself up
waited for my bro, hence left house late. but when i walked like 100m, already on the way to mrt, i realised that i forget to bring my wallet! darn it.. left with no choice but to walk back again. once again feel like going back and not come out. anyway didn't feel gd at all, but luckily i wasn't really late. somemore met zh at the interchange so dun feel so jialat. but while in lecture, realised i dun have the notes! but actually all along i really thinking abt my sharing. abit the scared and not in the best of mood. till u sms me! was surprised. really.. haha.. my mood really got lifted.. hehe

anyway, its a nice movie. cry baby! =p but its a touching show.. definitely worth the watch! think it's gonna be one of the noisest movie i ever went to!!
hmm, however the sharing session didn't go as well. must really improve..

Thursday, January 26, 2006

<<爱是你眼里的一首情歌>>

总是不经意的想起 你喜欢哼的那首歌曲 
一样温柔低吟 依旧牵动我的心
 
我曾经寻寻觅觅 想在文字里寻找爱情 
才发现最美的诗句 原来都在你眸里
#爱是你眼里的一首情歌 轻扬着飘逸旋律 
让我不知不觉的陶醉在 你缠绕的深情
 
爱是你眼里的一首情歌 轻拨弄我的心弦 
让我不由自主更 深爱着你

hmm

was reading the chapter on "Soka University", the topic i m going to share on tmr. hmm though it's just 4+ pages, i already see meaningful sentences in it.

"Study is always a great personal struggle. Those who conquer their tendency to give up halfway win in the end."

"We need goals in life -- both long-term and short term. When we strive to realize a goal, we are filled with hope and courage."

gosh..

used like 20 tissues in 10 min.. arrgh. irritated throat.

ate panadol. hopefully will recover by tmr

spending too much time on unnecessary things. i better prioritise

hmmm..

What shd i write leh..? ok stupid 2125, where is the webcast for the 1st hr!! argh! still slacking today.. oops

eh it's a lousy 2nd line lor! doesn't rhyme and it's not true! 哈哈。。

永远绝对不是骗人的!虽然现在不敢承诺什么,也许不能做到十全十美,但我一定会尽心尽力。。

"For what purpose should we cultivate wisdom? For what purpose is our faith? The answer is to win -- to win in life, in society and as human beings; it is to win without fail so that we may secure happiness and create peace. People who have this fundamental sense of purpose and mission are strong. People who have forgotten their purpose are weak." -- Daisaku Ikeda

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

hmmm.. thinking..

matlab is so stressing.. debugging it really sucks!

anyway, we went for a break at ard 3 when the break shd be 2-3pm.. and we sure had a long break of more than 1 hr... ate at mac.. and we ate alot. at least i ate super lot.. ordered a big mac meal. then yl ordered a cheeseburger. and we realised its only a cheap $1.20.. so in the end i ordered another 2 hamburgers.. and i have to eat my dinner later! wow..

mr prof sin yl 说教 just now .. wat u say is all so correct n meaningful.. thanks. a lot to learn from it hehe

hehe

post no. 2 for u. in case the other is too crap... haha


keep hearing <<珊瑚海>> on 933 these days.. seriously nv paid much attention to the lyrics.. not until u put that phrase in ur blog that time. and it's my advisor who told me that the phrase is actually from that song... wat's jay's problem? a sad duet song... gosh! haha

hmm was watching tv just now when someone called me, which i didn't notice until later on. 原来 is mh who called me. after much preparation, i "officially" accepted the role of decor ic and hence will be going for the preparation meeting on thurs. haven't prepare my fri lunch sharing things! haha but tmr shd have enuff time for it..

hmm, will be bz until midterm break then. duno how i'm going to overcome these obstacles, but i will do it! ya! actually everything boils down to discipline and self control. Time IS enuff. just how u use it.. a bit guilty of watching 2 hrs of tv + ard 1 hr of dota just now. I believe it will be freaking bz when lab starts.. the week just b4 the midterm will be a critical week. gotta win it!

hmmm, xy went IA, now at nite, nobody online.. really missing his company hahaa

lalala..

it's sooo gd to be popular .. and someone is suaning me abt it -_-. .

haha hmm, someone ask me to blog.. to expose her identity!!

muhaha yes... i'm attached...ya... sooooooooooo?















Hebe so chio, i so shuai.. perfect match!! selina also mine hor! =p

誓言就该比远更远 。 。可是远利是最远的 haha

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

i better be careful..

my blog suddenly become so popular..不习惯!

Monday, January 23, 2006

hmmm

a good day ba.. got things done.. but obviously not all.. my 2116 haven't touch! aiyo.. cos i already have the glimpse of the ans liao.. must touch it later n touch it fast!

hmm, read up, revised abit though a bit lacking in concentration. LESS MSN!! a bad trait of me.. like to complain.. hmm

after ard 8 hr. finall received that nice 260 mb clip.. haha thanks.. SHE rox.haha

it's my PLEASURE ( lol) to be there for u, and thanks for appreciating me. really. =) thanks. for giving me this chance.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

sian ah..

wanted to blog but feeling sucks. so i decided to make this post short

why sian?

(lifted from someone's post =p) arghh.. whenever i have the mood and time to do my tutorials, i realise the qtns are so un-doable! SIAN..

(written by me) maybe they aren't undoable.. lack of understanding. abit lazy to think also i suppose? esp when the ans is there. kns, i shd slap myself. 1 more day. better spend it better. and i shall conquer the route to woodlands again! cos the stupid sky dun allow me to do it today..

you always brightens up my day =)

Saturday, January 21, 2006

hmm

switched off my com, but decided to come back to blog sth.

just finished dota. 4 games today. so it means tat i can play only 1 tmr. control.

i have a bad habit. i like to dilly dally and delay things. to put it better, it means doing things in a more relax way. i relaxed super lot r cos i know i have the next 2 days to do my tutorials. and when it's tmr, i will think i have sun, then i will still drag. that is really evident when doing lab reports esp in year 1. practically spend all available time to slowly edit and paraphase though it's really a bloody waste of time. effort is not surely not equal to result in that case. i believe if i have only half that amount of time, i will get the same effect.

Tmr can't slack. control. no games! at least not till at nite. must be in the correct mood. hmm at least got a short clip for me to watch while relaxing!

my poor teeth are aching ever since i visited the dentist yesterday. gosh its so pain that even drinking water, i feel like crying. lol. wat an exaggeration. but its really jialat. well, its better now. one more day, the pain should go.

and ya, must go running tmr evening! need to sweat it out. what i heard on 933 tat time is quite true. eating fruits n vegetables is not enuff. need to sweat out the dirt inside. hopefully it's true. haiz, in 6 mths, everything become so jialat. cant believe it. darn sway. if things nv improve by may, i better do sth abt it, b4 someone really runs away! =p

just now on msn, mh asked to be the decor ic for the bazaar on 13th-15th feb. aiyo. i keep saying no to no avail. in the end he say "ok u are in" and he go offline. so i presume i'm in?
1 test on 13th ( if i nv remember wrongly) and 2 on 16th. can i coop with that?? the test seems so fast. all b4 midterm break. SIAN.

actually think i'm more stressed with having this extra responsibilty than not enuff time. time shd be no problem ba. but aiya, scared cannot come out with ideas for the decor. aiyo next week still got to share NHR. nvm, shall go there talk talk, shd be no problem ba, 没办法 really accepted it. i will do it!

must say i haven't really settle down for this sem. not in the mood yet. slowly but surely i will get in. will be scary when the labs start. but shall take it as they come. zh say this sem pass very fast... why does the odd sems always seems fast. is it cos of CNY? and other hols. i think so. just a 幻觉 ba..

933 got a new song! by 2moro, the twin brother group. the song is called <<刺激2006>> . i checked a website but i think the 词曲者 is unknown. not surprising though. this seem to be a song from online. maybe the product of many ppl. anyway, what's so interesting abt this song is that, it is a combination of many songs, sang to the same tune. noticed this song when it sang the part of <<痴心绝对>> and <<断点>>, my 2 favourite songs haha. didn't decipher from which songs are all the lyrics from. but maybe someone can try and tell me!

还记得吗
我们在机场的车站
所有快乐悲伤所有过去通通都抛弃
直到视线变得模糊
整夜都闭不了眼睛
你与我之间有谁

一九九五年
比以往时候来得更晚一些
静静看你走 一点都不像
我盼不到我爱的人 风再大又怎样
我要带你飞到天上去

为你付出那种伤心 你永远不了解
感觉那么甜我那么依恋
爱恨消失前 用手温暖我的脸
再给我一点温柔
手牵手 一步两步三步四步望着天
你却把别人拥在怀里
无论情节浪漫或多离奇
我的爱就有意义
我唯一爱的就是你
哦哦哦哦 I LOVE 无望


只要你过的比我好哦哦哦哦
让我飞 ~ 让我飞 ~

Friday, January 20, 2006

today..

i went to watch "cheaper by the dozen 2" with someone. sad to say i made her puke! sorry! quick! run away while u still can! =p

sorry but that's me..i will try harder better but u also dun like tat leh! hehe

明天我要吓死人咯!!

haha..

i make a resolution to play 10 games a week. played 5 this week already. or isit 6? nvm i musnt't exceed.

just the 2nd week and its so bz. 2116 hw due next mon. + 2125, 3121 tutorials.. gosh! tmr will be a good day! hopefully ba.. .haha . next 2 days must finish up my stuff and get other things done. mustn't slack. must focus. no chance for to come back and regret after the thing is over.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Must 加油!!

I must 加油 so must u!! hehe..

went to "study meeting" for my entrance exam in march.. nv go 鬼混 hor, 我哪敢啊! 哈哈..

aiyo was going home then received an unknown call. 原来 is bingyuan. aiyo.. next friday lunch must share something again. it will be the 1st time i going for fri lunch then must share sth liao! so much chance to talk.. 算了, shall take it as another chance to 磨练 myself, hopefully everything will be fine!!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I will do it again!!

The wars has begun,
the battles ensued.
There is only one way out,
the winning way.
Perseverance is a must,
concentration is important.
Some things can wait,
some things can't.
Striking a balance,
is the way things have to be done.
Basing on faith,
I will do it again.
To show actual proof of faith.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

<<再一次拥有>> --- 龚诗嘉

我想念去年的冬天 下着雪的那一夜
你给的温柔 紧握的双手 温暖整个寒冬

失去了曾经的拥有 在你离开以后
带走了笑容只留下寂寞 忘了幸福是什么

没有你的夜特别的漆黑 只能闭上双眼去感觉
没有我的夜谁在你身边 代替了那个从前

能不能再听一次你说爱我 回到还在你怀里的时候
能不能让我再一次拥有 曾属于我的温柔
*****

the chorus of this song just keep ringing in my mind.
人,总要等到失去后,才懂得珍惜.
我失去过了,却也有个机会,再次拥有.我会更加珍惜你的.

hmmm

a few days ago, someone asked me that question..wonder what makes him ask me that?

but well, the ans as of now is no! or isit yes? i dunno!! muhaha

Friday, January 13, 2006

stupid rain..

1 min after i stepped into the open from my house today, it started to rain. then it got heavier.
300m later. my whole shirt was drenched.
since i was only half way to the mrt, i decided to walk by the slightly longer way via the sheltered hdb void decks.
as a result of that, i missed the mrt. 10min till the next one.
ya, 10min, for be to try to dry myself -_-
reached sch late as a result.
decided to be nice n attend HMT lecture after microbes. bad mistake. dun understand a shit! and had to wait for the slow 96 to reach clementi as a result of traffic jam
sucks. maybe there is sth wrong with my ear, but i just can't make out the words that krishna is saying! knn waste my time.. slow slow! i'm too into details i suppose.. i must get the broad overview, i believe that is important!
must get some help + advice tmr from mr expert..

Thursday, January 12, 2006

strange...

why the adjustment of the timing of the blog disappear liao? i wan to shift my resolution to the top!

really not slping well these days, maybe it's cos i still haven't recover... or there are things on my mind i suppose.. i mustn't disappoint myself, i mustn't disappoint others...

cutting down on being on msn, will appear when u need me ba =)

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Woohoo..

S.H.E on next week's 陪你去shopping

it's webcast sem again!!! webcast for all CN mods.. shiok.. that means, mon sch 2-6, tue sch 1-3, wed 1-5, thurs 2-5, fri tentatively no sch!! shiok!!!

if i nv take the extra mod, then it's almost like no sch for me... looks like my bio clock will be inverted again! well, it's inverted to begin with..

it's raining now, 但我的天空已不再灰了 =)

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

More concrete resolutions..

posted my new year resolutions that time, but nv really write it specifically. so shall repost

Health
1. exercise regularly, prob running; unless someone want to jio me for a swim, to keep fit
2. eat healthily
3. gain weight!! target 5 kg!!
4. not to fall sick ever again!
5. 爱护自己, 不然如何去爱护他人呢?

Studies
1. reduce playing of computer games and spent less time on unconstructive things
2. fully focus for this sem, to attend all the lectures (unless there is webcast)
3. get a cap of 5.0, i mean 6A+, for my 4th sem!! LOL

Character
1. be more outspoken, less shy
2. dun raise my voice, throw temper, even if the other party's at fault

Others
1. Find a job asap at the start of May; cos my ICT in june will disrupt everything
2. Get licence by end of this year, highly dependent on if i get a job or not.

Gakkai
1. To attend and contribute to as many Gakkai activities as possible
2. Read as many of Sensei's book as possible
3. To give my best for NDP '06 and it must be a success

One more.. but it's secret.. lalala

my fever..

is as strange as the weather...

it seems to resurface everytime i go slp..

hope to recover soon..

it's also as strange as MSN..

everyone seem to see me as offline only..

i most prob is online so who wan to speak to me just put sth on ur nick

-_-

my stomach is feeling better, but the fever is still there..

wun be surprised it's the result of those bad nites... maybe i was starting to have fever already then..

Monday, January 09, 2006

why why why?

why must i fall sick at such a kns time?

on the 1st day of school so i already missed my 1st lecture
on the day S.H.E come to singapore, such that i m forced to miss them =(. thought that i can come home rest n hopefully recover in time but turned out to be even more sick.
The pain in the stomach is becoming worse..and just developed fever .. argh
i hope things are not as bad as i thought it to be, though i have a feeling it might be that.. i shd go see a doctor..

sorry i can't make it tmr. i hope u understand

Sunday, January 08, 2006

aiyo..

i still thought i only got lecture from 10-12pm tmr.. but i forget i got microbes also! 2-4pm.. so late! sian ... then have to cut my hair.. and go there hmm.. can't go home rest liao..

looks like i'm not that prepared for the new sem..haha but not prepared also must be prepared!! i will do it! nvm, tmr i got 2 hours to let me get things done.. anyway after tue, i will definitely be ready, no matter wat

=)

thanks for giving me a chance...

sorry for being so passive.. 给我时间, i will try harder, ok? its always difficult to take the 1st step..

其实,无论结局如何,至少也有过机会...

heard this song just now, meaningful lyrics...

<<爱情证书>>
我们为爱还在学 学沟通的语言 学着谅解 学着不流泪
等到我们学会飞 飞越黑夜 和考验 日子就要从孤单里毕业
我们用多一点点的辛苦 来交换多一点点的幸福 就算
幸福 还有一段路 等我们学会忍耐和付出这爱情一定会有张证书 证明 从此 不孤独

anyway on a lighter note, went for NUSSD meeting yday. hehe shared my testimonial and contributed in the skit.. hmm, though only abt 20 ppl turned up, think i am able to speak quite fluently ba, though think i abit too nervous which can be shown by my body language..but well, 1st time speaking in front of so many ppl leh (other than that time i being emcee and there are double the number of ppl). but this one is prepared b4 hand, not tat bad.. if spontaneous one then maybe jialat liao haha.. nonetheless its a gd platform to practise talking... something i lack..

and got a surprise. saw zhen zhi, my chem eng classmate at the meeting. eh his father is practising so think he will be a member soon.. aiyo and i am tasked with the job of asking him go friday lunch every week. but fri only got 1 3hr lecture... and xy say the mod easy ( he only went for 1 out of 13 lecture), somemore got webcast.. so, can i dun go to sch every friday? tired sia...haha

looks like i shall test trial ba... anyway think i becoming CIC soon. need to take care of ppl. so cannot slack!

Saturday, January 07, 2006

他们的故事..

缘分是个很奇妙的东西。。

在一个特别的情况下,九月七日, 他认识了她。。。

他是 "big bully", 她是 "pig" 。。。

九月二十二,他第一次发送简讯给她。。。

希望他们能 他们一定能写出一个完美的结局..
.:待续:.

i better try to slp early next time.

b4 i have more bad nites

haiz

ej "broke up" with his "gf"-- they weren't really tgt to begin with. he told her he like her, she say she likes him too, but not tgt yet.

she got a change in heart. Her gd fren, whom she claimed can only be a gd fren cos they got no chemistry tgt, is the 3rd party. how cruel

ej even prepared a valentine's day gift for her. hand made. no more.

he couldn't slp tat nite she told him that. He told me about this just yday nite. sad. i hope he will get over it soon.

n i hope i can.

6 days ago.. at around this time... no more

Friday, January 06, 2006

.................

dunno wat happen.. bad nite. really bad.

tired. but i can't it affect me later.

what happened? if things continued to be like that...6 more days

mustn't be nervous tmr!

went out just now for ard 4 hrs.. quite short.. shop ard with sl for his bag and had dinner with the rest.. supposed to meet sl at 6pm but i was still home then! lucky i on my tv, S.H.E on 娱乐百分百 so entertaining, their voice rox..they sure change alot from the past 4-5 years

anyway when i was out, i received a call from KK.. he asked me to share my testimonial cos of my vast improvement in my results.. aiyo, so last min...wanted to say no.. but of cos i didn't... aiyo must talk in front of so many ppl tmr again.. *Scared* haha nvm, i believe i can do it!!! =) yeah yeah, good chance to train my confidence!!

did i say sth wrong again.. i dun wan to lose u.

sad song again, lyrics short but full of meaning

"我的天空今天有点灰 我的心是个落叶的季节我不知道如何度过今夜 
所有的灯 早已经全都熄灭"

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I had a dream...

3rd day liao, with similar one...

a good dream

but it's just a dream..

人,难道要等到失去后, 才懂得如何珍惜吗?

shd be going with sk, since sl is not free.. or maybe not going at all

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

覆水难收...

maybe tat's wat the word means...

that time i post sth on my blog "世界上最远的距离,就是我在你的旁边,你却不知道我爱你"

maybe that is not really correct

"世界上最远的距离, 不是我在你的旁边,你却不知道我爱你, 而是明明知道彼此相爱,却不能在一起."

just came back..

went out with my chem eng frens.. played pool n had a good talk over dinner..

didn't really like pool. if it was the me of last year, i will just heck care, will be just lazy and stayed home. but now i believed it's necessary and it shd be like tat to maintain all type of relationships. All of them requires effort. Friends shdn't be just together when school starts and dun be bothered when hols come. anyway, got my textbook from zh. whew, imagine getting it next week when school starts.

anyway had a entertaining talk with them over dinner, discussing quite a no. of things. Hmm, next sem will be a bz n xiong one. Lab modules just suck. somemore have to know how to use Matlab.. shdn't have been so bo chup when they are teaching it in sem 1. and all the mods are quite new. somemore taking 6 mods again, though the timetable once again seems quite slack. it sure is slack with lots of break in between. but with effort n discipline, i will conquer them. in addition, i also got other committments, such as NDP. but it shdn't be a proeblm. However i wish that i can solve the more important matter at hand.

Current song -- <<枫>> a sad song with nice lyrics.. why do i always love sad songs?

"缓缓飘落的枫叶像思念 为何挽回要赶在冬天来之前"

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

haiz

i didn't have that feeling for quite some time, i dun wish to feel it... but it's back

did i do sth which i shd not have done? or did i not do sth which i shd have done? the situation is really complex, for me to start...

Monday, January 02, 2006

A touching testimonial..

yup going to type out a testimonial from Creative Life, our SOKA magazine. think it's going to be a long entry but it's really touching so it's definitely worth ur read! I spend so long to type it out, definitely reading it wun spend tat long!! anyway it's the testimonial of the mother of a wheel chair bound guy, Li Quan.. yup, i know him personally ba, he is in NUSSD. read on to find out more of a mother's love


Never give up!!
"SGI President Ikeda says, "Whatever kind of road it may be, you must never stop halfway. A person with perseverance and determination will eventually be greeted by the spring of victory. It is indeed th person who completes the race who breaks through the tape across the goal line of happiness." Siew Suah relates how she advanced along this treacherous yet joyful path for the past 20 years together with her son, Li Quan, and finally be greeted by "spring of victory"."

Twenty year ago, in 1985, I was introduced to Nichiren Buddhism by a friend of mine. That was the time when I was in the midst of frantically searching for a cure for my three-year old son, Li Quan, who had been diagoned with Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA), a disease of the nerve cells that control the ability of muscles of the limbs and trunk to contract and move. In SMA, these nerve cells degenerate and die, resulting in muscle weakness and wasting. The doctor told us that SMA is an inherited disease and there is no medical cure for it.

Since his birth in 1982, Li Quan had all along been a healthy, bubbly baby. As there were completely no signs of abnormality, I did not suspect anything. However, when he was about one-year old, he was down with a high fever which lasted for three days. Although his fever subsided after three days. Although his fever subsided after three days, rashes broke out all over his body and I quickly took him to a hospital. from then on, Li Quan was put through various tests which lasted over several months. Finally after examining him from various aspects, the doctor told us about their diagnosis.

As the symptoms of SMA appeared gradually, I could not see anything wrong with Li Quan at that point in time and I found it extremely difficult to believe what the doctor was telling me. On top of this, I used to be very superstitious and felt that Li Quan would probably be fine after offering prayers to gods and deities. I went round many temples all over Singapore, spending a great deal of time and money to perform various rituals for my son. I even placed him to sleep on the altar table at a temple for three nights and went as far as Malaysia to find a cure for him. However, none of these showed any results.

Henceforth, when a friend of mine told me about the Daishonin's Buddhism and how through faith in the Mystic Law I can transform my life, I decided to start practising immediately. Besides being deeply touched by my friend's conviction, I was also impressed by the life-affirming philosophy of the Daishonin's Buddhism which teaches us that ultimately, happiness depends on our very selves and not by the environment we are in. I was convinced that my son has his own unique mission to fulfil even with this illness. Li Quan and my husband took up faith together with me and since then, we have been actively participating in SSA activities.

Soon thereafter, the symptoms of SMA began to appear on Li Quan. His body muscles, especially his legs began to weaken, so much so that he needed assistance in carrying out his basic daily activities. I took up the challenge readily because through my practice of faith, I was deeply convinced that this was my mission and I was determined to foster my son into a capable leader for kosen-rufu. Through my daily practice, my life was filled with courage and life force to take up every kind of challenge that stood before me.

When it was time to enrol Li Quan for his primary education, I decided to register him in a mainstream primary school in my neighbourhood. I strongly believed that he should attend school just like any other children. That year, the school decided to add one more class for the new in-take but there were still too many applicants and the school had to go for a balloting session. I still remember standing at one corner of the school hall that was packed with people, earnestly chanting daimoku in my heart. My heart was pumping away and I felt extremely nervous. When Li Quan's number was announced nearly at the end of the balloting session, I was simply overwhelmed with relief and joy.

However, my challenge was far from over --- it was only beginning. During those days, it was still extremely rare for a disabled child to go to a normal school and it was also the first case for the school to accept a student with Li Quan's physical condition. Therefore, the school environment and arrangements were far from disabled-friendly. As the principal was very firm about not making special arrangement for Li Quan's class to be on the ground floor, I had to carry him up to his class on the second level when he was in primary one and two. The following two years, his class was on the third level and for primary fix and six, his class was located on the fourth level.

On top of this, the four-level HDB flat we were residing in had no lift facilities. Therefore, on every school day, I carried his wheelchair down from my house on the second floor, go up again and carry Li Quan down, place him in the wheelchair and pushed him to school. Upon reaching the school, I carried him up to his classroom. Whether rain or shine, this continued for six years. Furthermore, Li Quan was physcially still very weak and frequently went in and out of the hospital. Amidst all these challenges, I chanted at least three hours of daimoku every day from which I never failed to summon forth courage and life force to confront every obstacle with optimism.

I was also very active in participating in various SSA activities, including the National Day Parade(NDP). I participated in the NDP for four consecutive years in the 80s' through which I deepened my faith in the Gohonzon, established strong bonds of friendship with fellow members and learnt many valuable lessons. Most of all, it kept my spirits up.

Observing the predicament that I was in, many people came forth to ask me if I felt miserable. "No, not at all!" I would reply without a moment's hesitation. Though it may sound incredible, not once did I feel I am a pitiful woman nor did I ever let out a word of complain. Perhaps I did not have the time to do so for all I knew was to continue to forge on ahead. Upon recollection, I think this is perhaps the greatest benefit I have received from my practice --- to be always filled with hope no matter how harsh reality is.

I began to see concrete changes when Li Quan was in Primary six. The new principal decided to make arrangements for Li Quan's class to be located on th ground floor instead of the fourth level. Along with this new arrangement, Li Quan's academic results improved tremendously and even became top in class! This was certainly a great actual proof of victory for both Li Quan and myself.

After his PSLE, another challenge appeared before us. Curvature of the spine is a frequent and serious complication of SMA and this was showing in Li Quan's condition. The muscles around his spine had weakened resulting in spinal curvature and this was causing Li Quan to have breathing problems. Upon the strong recommendation of his doctor, Li Quan decided to go through an operation to rectify his spinal curvature by inserting two metal rods as vertical supports to straighten his spine. This was going to be a major operation and could even be life-threatening if not successful.

Deep in my life, I was convinced that everything will go smoothly with absolute faith in the Gohonzon. In addition, many SSA leaders and fellow members gave me and my family immense encouragement and moral support by holding many daimoku chanting sessions. I am indeed very grateful that Li Quan underwent a smooth and successful operation with no after-effects and till this day, his spinal condition is fine.

After a successsful operation, Li Quan embarked on a new phase of life as a student in a secondary school. The four years was another challenging one as this time, his school was a little further than his primary school, I could no longer push his wheelchair to school. Every morning, I'll bring him to school by taxi. After settling him at school, I'll ride a bicycle home. Around 10am during recess, I'll cycle to school with food for him and ride the bicycle home to prepare lunch. I'll cycle to school again when school ends, leave my bicycle in his school and take a taxi back home with Li Quan. In this manner, I made four round trips to and from Li Quan's school every day without fail over four years. I am truly grateful that with the protection from the Gohonzon, I only had one minor accident during the four years when I fell down from my bicycle on the zebra-crossing after hitting the back of a lorry. Fortunately it was on a pedestrian crossing and the cars stopped and waited for me to pick myself up. Though my bicycle was damaged, I only suffered minor injuries.

Four years passed by in a flash and through Li Quan's hard work and good fortune from his Buddhist practice, he got into a Junior College (JC). Unlike his secondary school, his JC classmates were not as helpful and facilities were not disabled-friendly. All his tutorial classes and lecture threatres were on the second and third floors. Therefore, Li Quan always needed the assistance of his classmates whenever he attended classes. However, they were always reluctant and never voluntary. I felt very pressurized to go to his JC every morning because every day without fail, I had to go up to the second floor to plead with his classmates to come down to help Li Quan up. Only after my desperate pleas, they would oblige very reluctantly. Though it was hard on me, I felt that it must be even worst for Li Quan, so I persevered on, no matter how bad I felt.

Of course, not everything was grey and cloudy during Li Quan's JC days. All this while, my husband has been and still is the sole bread winner of our family. Although his income was average, it did not matter to me. All I wanted was to take care of Li Quan and our home and to attend as many SSA activities as possible. Though we cannot be said to be wealthy, we managed to carry on with life. With the protection from the Gohonzon, Li Quan's JC even subsidized us on our taxi fares and this was a great help to us for we needed to spend about $300 a month on transport fees.

In 2000, the year Li Quan sat for his GCE "A" level examinations, Li Quan, my husband and I participated in the Youth Peace Cultural Festival as members of the choir. Frankly speaking, that was not an easy year for all of us. Besides having to face an unfriendly learning environment daily, Li Quan was frequently sick. He began to have problems catching up with his school work due to his frequent absence from school. Though we faced all these challenges, we did not give up. We told ourselves that we are going to achieve a great breakthrough and "transform poison into medicine" through our joyful participation in the cultural festival.

After the event, Li Quan's "A" level results were announced. To our amazement, he did very well and was accepted by the National University of Singapore (NUS), School of Computing!

Buddhism teaches us that if we continue to struggle based on faith, we will certainly receive boundless benefits and good fortune. True enough, our surprise did not end there. Li Quan's tuition fees at the university were fully sponsored by a welfare institution. On top of this, a taxi company coincidentally implemented a three-year welfare programme to ferry disabled students to and from the university and Li Quan was fortunate enough to be part of this programme. Henceforth, throughout the three-and-a-half-years in NUS, Li Quan was ferried by a maxicab for free to and from the varsity!

In July 2005, Li Quan successfully graduated from NUS. As I attended his convocation last July, I could not hold back tears of joy to witness the great development of Li Quan. More than anything else, I am truly grateful that Li Quan has grown up in this wonderful Soka family and is now actively contributing his part in the Students Division as a campus in-charge. Although life was never easy for me throughout all these years, one of the priorities I set for myself was to always bring Li Quan out for kosen-rufu activites and to foster him into a capable person who can contribute to the happiness of others.

Today, as I reflect on my life, I feel very thankful to Li Quan for leading me to the Daishonin's Buddhism and for teaching me how wonderful this practice of faith is. With the continuous encouragement I receive from SGI President Ikeda's guidances and fellow members, I always find the courage, life force and wisdom to overcome each and every problem. I am absolutely convinced that as long as we have faith in the Gohonzon, there are no problems that we cannot overcome.

To date, Li Quan and I have sown the seeds of happiness in the lives of a few hundred people (most of them are taxi drivers) through sharing the teachings of Nichiren Buddhism with them. Among them is a friend of mine who received her Gohonzon. It is indeed such a great joy to share with others about my practice. I shall continue to strive to strengthen my faith, practice and study and introduce this wonderful Buddhism to as many people as possible so that more people can experience the great power of the Mystic Law. -- Hoh Siew Suah

tired.

body aching .. from the lack of slp.. woke up at 7+ today with less than 5 hrs of slp cos guang ming organised soccer with ntu n ite.. didnt wan to go at 1st cos i still got flu; blocked nose n my fingers are blistered, yeah feeling the pain as i was typing.. but in the end i agreed to go, cos i feel tat those are still "excuses" for me not to go, somemore guang ming my gd fren mah, must support support.. and he give so much for the chingay as a trainer, EVERYDAY going down to help in making the Chingay props, or having training.. really respect him.. just now he also rushed down after soccer without having lunch for their trainer's meeting lor.

anyway, the soccer turnout is still ok ba, ended playing the basketball court, hehe, aiyo i suck! but scored some tap-in goals.. haha n i got a name "crouch".. tat's wat the ntu guys call me..heh.. just hope next time the turn out will be much better! n meanwhile, do sth abt my soccer skills? haha

injured!

went to our RHQ5 gongyo session, though i arrived slightly late n missed the gongyo! oops

after that, with much persuasion from mcvin n sikang, we went to geylang kaikan to help in the making of chingay props..1st time going there.. now i know why they forbid ywds from going there alone at nite.. haiz.. the location simply sucks! anyway, the props are really nice sia, all the cute dogs outfit.. they sure have spent a long time to do all that.. really not easy lor, every year SOKA participate in chingay n ndp, and the cheorographing of the performance n the making of the props are all by our own ppl.. really xin ku them liao.. anyway we went there to help make one of hats ( i think) for the dogs. though there are some obstacles along the way, but we managed to help with it, though i left with 3 blistered fingers from the glue gun..damn it, didn't know the glue so hot lor, then accidentally touched it n instantly the blisters surfaced.. nvm, it will heal...

Sunday, January 01, 2006

New year resolutions!!

yeah finally gonna pen it down.. but since i going out soon.. should make it short n sweet! lol excuses.. just plain lazy..

2005, definitely a year which my life changed..esp after joining YCF ba..no wonder the theme is "changing lives, creating victories"..it changed my life, n i did have some victories. There's already a big change in me, at least i become more cheerful, n i find meaning in many things, and i become more focussed.

this year will be a bz year, esp for the 1st half of the year; ndp audition n training starting from from feb.. shd be weekly, and i also have my entrance exam in march.. somemore think i going to be a CIC soon... oh no, so many things still unsure then become CIC..and it means i must share things and talk more.. aiyo.. that's why i really need to read up more and be more outspoken liao.. anyway with so many committments, mean i have to juggle with my studies with all that.. next sem shd be taking 6 mods, so have to show actual proof of faith with even more improvements in my grades. of cos it can be better, though the mods next sem really seem alien, but with hard work it can be done!

of cos, other than studies wise, must improve on my character n habits ba...my bed's cleared after the exam but my table quite messy..but aiyo..alot of things dunno to keep or throw, keep also dunno keep where :S

character wise, definitely a big improvement from b4, but think there is always room for improvement..must be more friendly..and i'm still soooooo quiet. jia you jia you!!!

lastly, i hope that everyone will stay healthy n happy always!! and hope everyone's wishes will come true.. n i hope mine will come true also! =)

Happy new year to everyone!!

=)

new year resolutions to be written tmr! haha